I let myself get too close to people. They learn my weakness’s, my breaking points, faults. They learn it all, they learn enough of me to know how to use all of those things against me. It happens every single time.
It’s funny, considering each time i’m sure that the person is different, I trick myself into thinking that this time maybe it won’t be the same. It’s even more funny because this time, I actually tricked myself so much, that I believed it. The things you say, the lies you make up, the way you use me as a scapegoat to all of your anger, and the way you make me out to be a person that I am not. Your lies and rumors about me are nasty, ones of the best I have heard. They sure can hurt, I can give you that. It’s also funny considering no matter how many times you hurt me, I still gave endless chances because I thought that being talked about behind my back was better than to my face, and that if things were okay in person, if you still said you loved me on a regular basis, if we still acted like bestfriends, then I wouldn’t let it bother me. But damn, you sure got me. You sure got me.
I’m tired of chasing, i’m tired of thinking back on wonderful memories and comparing them to the horrible situations thinking that the pain is worth it, because at least during one point in time everything was perfect. But it’s not anymore.
So please, let’s all do us a favor here, leave my name out of your mouth, you obviously never wanted it there in the first place. Keep spreading your countless lies about me, keep turning people against me. Because you’re right, I won’t do anything about it. I won’t tell people they are lies, because if they even need to question it, then obviously they don’t know me whatsoever. I have no need to explain myself, so i’m sure you will succeed with whatever your goal is. So please, continue, it’s a great reality check realizing who my true friends are. I am done being the scapegoat to all people’s problems. And I am sure as hell done trying to be a part of your life when all you do is lie about me behind my back.
You don’t love me and you never have. But, I guess that’s a good thing, because then I can atleast say that no one who has ever loved me has hurt me.
My momma may not be here, but she taught me wise, and in two years I cannot wait to tell her how strong I was, when I watched them all walk out of my life, and this time, I didn’t chase.
You Guys all sure left a scar though.
when they told me
make homes out of people
because who would be foolish enough
to plant the seeds of themselves
in a skin that wasn’t theirs, or in a smile
they didn’t own
but when i turned to show you
there was only quiet
and my roots
from around your ribcage
Cinque Terre | Italy by davide vighetti